Almost there (1)

Phew, it has been quite a process. I mean writing my first novel ever ‘The Glass Dome’ (www.geerthofman.com/glass-dome). It started with an idea sometime back in 2009 and it took the encouragement of the participants of a workshop I was attending to actually start writing on it. Of course, I had a notion about what I wanted to write about but somehow it turned out to be extremely difficult to get into a flow of writing. I could be very disciplined and sit at my desk with the file opened. But staring outside or reading whatever popped up on my notebook screen or playing the odd game wasn’t really productive. And although I didn’t allow myself to go do other things (which I might have done as well) nothing much happened. From an interview with Paolo Coelho I learned that he ‘suffered’ procrastination as well. Having planned a day of writing at his desk, the first thing he needed to do in the morning is go into town for a coffee and to have a peek at the papers. And then of course he would run into someone he knew, get engaged in a conversation, probably have lunch and return home sometime late afternoon.

After having suffered more than just a few unproductive hours sitting at my desk, I found out that I got quite productive while working at other places. For instance, one day I worked almost six hours straight in the SAS lounge at Brussels Airport. The train from Hannover to Amsterdam vv turned out to be a good spot as well. There have been hours while flying, in restaurants, hotels, benches in parks, you name it. The most peculiar experience probably being sitting behind the steering wheel of my car, frantically typing during two hours I had in between two meetings. And finally I found a place in a hotel in Hannover where I would regularly go to. That created an atmosphere of going to the office. Although the restaurant was anything but quiet, I spent a good deal of my writing hours there at “my” table. Still, the flow I experienced was relatively short-lived and somehow superficial it seemed. This changed one morning in September 2010.

As I walked from the parking towards the lake entrance of the restaurant I peeked in to see of “my” table was free, as it usually was. I felt relieved that on that day too it was waiting just for me. Seconds later however as I opened the door and walked in, I saw somebody unpacking his notebook and installing it on “my” table. Within a second I was raging with anger. How could this be possible? I just checked seconds ago and the table was empty. Where did this man all of a sudden come from? Was he real or just a creation of my imagination? Was it one of those quantum particles popping up in my life? Anger subsiding I took place at the only other table with a socket for my notebook’s charger, still looking at the person at “my” table. One of the waitresses was patiently waiting until he was done unpacking and installing so she could put his can of coffee on the table. Recognising me, she looked at me with a smile, probably feeling amused that there was someone else writing at their place as well and having the same coffee as I normally had. It caused the man to look up and to address me. He suspected I did the same as he did. Which would be writing on a report or so in between two appointments. When I told him specifically came there to write, he giggled and asked if I was an author then. What followed was anything but pleasant for me. Well, at least for a minute or so. You may not believe this but I wasn’t able to answer the question. Thoughts raged through my mind trying to come up with a suitable answer. “Tell him you’re a coach, executive coach, senior consultant, manager, director, ceo, whatever.” After what seemed an eternity to me I managed to say “Yes, I’m an author.” My heart pounding, my breathing more like panting I felt anything but calm but still a bit better than before now that I had said it. He laughed and came to my table to give me his business card. We exchanged a few friendly words and when he got back to his place I felt enormously liberated. It was as if something had opened up and as if that enabled energy to flow where it previously could not flow. It was the first time I publicly declared that I’m an author. And I felt good about that. Well, I allowed myself to feel good about that. Before this incident I would say that I’m an executive coach and also writing a book. I did not allow myself to feel good about being an author. It wasn’t that I forbade myself saying that. No, no. It was buried so deep in a maze of beliefs that the thought never would surface. therewith subconsciously marginalising the importance of this project for me in spite of the synchronicity that would occur whenever I managed to work on it in flow, where I would allow the things to happen, that wanted to happen.

So what I learned from the writing up until that moment is that:

  1. It’s really OK to find or create the context  I (know I) need for writing.
  2. It’s really OK to say that I’m an author, (and actually being one) as it’s really OK to say I’m an executive coach. One doesn’t exclude the other and they should not, at least not at this moment. Apparently I held an enormous set of intricate beliefs about being an author that prevented me of getting in flow.
  3. Synchronicity occurs whenever I stop blocking what wants to manifest. In other words: writing the book is not so much a personal ambition for me. It’s much more a way of expressing what I am already expressing in my work as executive coach. So in a way it’s the same energy wanting to become manifest but only in a different way. Allowing that to happen creates flow and hence great possibilities. Blocking it creates frustration and anti-flow.

I will continue this story to share the remainder of this process in a few days. Shortly, the novel will go in print and I can’t tell you how excited I am about that. So yes, there is a happy end to this story.

Hello world!

Hello World,

Yep, it has gotten to me to: this need to make publicly known what’s on my mind. In more than 140 characters that is. So, for the moment I’ll just see how this looks like out there in the open.

Catch you later!

Geert